Tiny Housing Bubble

Gordon Matta-Clark fidgets in his grave...* * * * *

STRING THEORY BREAKTHROUGH LAUNCHES NEW REAL ESTATEBOOM

Conceptual Artist Discovers Undeveloped AcreageThrough Latest Particle Physics... Plans to SellPrime Bay Area Properties for Under Ten Dollars...Exclusive Public Offering at San Francisco's ModernismGallery Scheduled for November 16th....

NOVEMBER 5, 2006 - Reconciling quantum mechanics andgeneral relativity, string theory is seen by the mostsophisticated physicists as an emerging theory ofeverything. Now the most advanced land speculators arelooking at the same mathematics -- and calculating thegreatest real estate opportunity since Columbusarrived in America.

While Columbus was a shrewd businessman, the latestterra incognita has been discovered by a conceptualartist with considerably less financial acumen. "Iwasn't really looking to make money," confidesJonathon Keats, whose previous art projects haveincluded such commercially dubious ventures as anattempt to genetically engineer God at UC Berkeley."I've always lived month to month, as a renter. Inever considered owning land, let alone becoming adeveloper, until I had a good close look at the natureof spacetime earlier this year."

According to string theory, spacetime is moreextensive than people ordinarily experience. Beyondthe customary three dimensions of space and onedimension of time, there are six or seven additionaldimensions, accommodating the complex vibrations ofminiscule strings. "The strings' vibrations give riseto matter, but that's beside the point," says Mr.Keats. "The important thing is that real estate incities from San Francisco to New York is selling at apremium, unaffordable to many, and here are half adozen or more extra dimensions of space, just going towaste."

Mr. Keats, working in consultation with leadingresearchers including Shaw Prize-winning cosmologistSaul Perlmutter, realized that rights to develop inthese extra dimensions could be bought veryinexpensively. "The legal framework was already inplace," he says. "People like Donald Trump buy andsell air rights over city buildings all the time. Ifthe third dimension is negotiable, the higherdimensions must be as well." Accordingly, theartist/developer bought extra-dimensional rights tohis first property, a flat in San Francisco'sexclusive North Beach district, on August 19th. Whilethe lower-dimensional space is valued at approximately$1,027,000, Mr. Keats purchased rights to the extradimensions, with a legally-binding contract, for amere $5.00. He has since bought higher-dimensionalrights to five other properties in San Francisco andMarin County for between $1.80 and $15.00.

"Nobody really wanted the rights," Mr. Keats recalls,"and I guess that I can understand why." The extradimensions, like the strings vibrating in them, arevery small, many orders of magnitude smaller than anatom. "They're a bit inaccessible by conventionalmeans, but they're everywhere, so you could build inthem quite expansively with fine enough plaster ormaybe bricks." Mr. Keats admits that such materialsare currently beyond the reach even of the latestnanotechnology, but he isn't worried. "Actually, theway to look at the real estate in these extradimensions is as vacation properties."

To make up for the inconveniences associated with thescale of the higher dimensions, Mr. Keats proposesthat there are more of them than there are lowerdimensions. "You can really spread out," he says,demonstrating the design potential withfour-dimensional architecture that he has drafted forthese extra-dimensional spaces. Complete blueprintswill be on view at Modernism Gallery, where Mr. Keatswill offer a portfolio of properties, subdivided intouniform lots, beginning on Thursday, November 16th at5:30 pm. What will happen after that, the artist won'tpredict. "This is a highly speculative market," hesays. "But somebody had to put string theory intopractice." * * *Jonathon Keats is a conceptual artist, novelist, andcritic. For his most recent project, at the Judah L.Magnes Museum in Berkeley, he exhibitedextraterrestrial abstract artwork. He has alsoattempted to genetically engineer God in a petri dish,in collaboration with scientists at the University ofCalifornia, and petitioned Berkeley to pass afundamental law of logic - A=A - a work commissionedby the city's annual Arts Festival. He has beenawarded Yaddo, MacDowell, Ucross, and MacNamarafellowships, and his projects have been documented byKQED-TV and the BBC World Service, as well asperiodicals ranging from The San Francisco Chronicleto The Boston Globe to New Scientist. He isrepresented by Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. Formore information, please contact Mr. Keats at415/673-9052 or jonathon_keats@yahoo.com, or seehttp://www.modernisminc.com/artists/Jonathon_KEATS/